Your dad touched me again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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