He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
