i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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