yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
