it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
