every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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