She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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