I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
