I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
