Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
