I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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