so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
