after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
