Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
