my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
