Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
