yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
