he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She told me I should be a condom model.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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