fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
