she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
