Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
