if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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