I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
