Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
