So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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