Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
