Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
