pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
