he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT