Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.