In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
