we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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