i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
