I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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