Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
