I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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