why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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