just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just pynch a tree in the face
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
