your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
