Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
