If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
