She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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