we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
