he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
