I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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