how can u be prego again
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
