fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
