Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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