i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
