I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
