as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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