Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
