I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
