all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
