I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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