She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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