Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
