Tell her she can't have a vagina
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
