That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
