oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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