i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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