Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
