She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You dont lie about slip and slides
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
