Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We are all done wearing pants today
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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