Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You ruined the universe
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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