I bet he comes in French.
Duck Duck Cougar?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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