I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
