I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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