His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
