Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
