The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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