I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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