I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
this will be a night to untag.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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