I molested 6 butterflies tonight
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
pray to the hookup gods
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
