Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
