You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
