why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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