Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
