We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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