Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this just has baby written all over it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
