Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
