it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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