Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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