Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize