a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It was confusing and full of hummus
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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