I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
