shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
