you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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